My experience with a new kind of stigma...A stigma that comes from a place of love, and not a place of hate.

I have depression. I have struggled with it since my teen years. I have good days, I have bad days. I have good hours and bad ones. It's completely unpredictable. Over the years I have learned to detect when my depression has been triggered. I have learned how to pull my self out of that dark place. I love how in the Harry Potter novels, JK Rowling uses the dementors as a metaphor for depression. The cold soulless creatures literally suck all the happiness from you until you are nothing. I can't speak for the rest of the people who struggle with depression, but that's what it feels like for me. Wanting so deeply the happiness that seems just beyond my reach. But it is not beyond my reach! And it is not beyond yours! 

You can replace that darkness with happiness. For me it's a combination of positive affirmations, serving others, setting and accomplishing goals, exercise, therapy, and the most important, faith in myself that I am stronger than my illness. It has taken me years to find out what works great for me. What works for me, may not work for someone else. You need to try an assortment of different things until you find your winning combination. I have always been very vocal about my depression. I have never felt ashamed, or felt the need to hide it. Although I have recently had an experience that I would like to share.

I have been having an extremely difficult time with my depression after moving away from my family and friends. I have opened up about my increasing depression to a few people that have become a part of my new life. Then something strange started to happen.... For the first time in my life people around me were more focused on my illness than me as a person. I am by no means upset by this, because I know that it is coming from a place of caring and love. The tips and suggestions were abundant. Their eyes ever watchful for the signs. If I stayed in bed too long (just because I love the relaxing warmth and comfort offered there.... who doesn't) it must be depression.  If I choose to stay at home instead of going out on the town (because I just want to chill and watch The Walking Dead) it must be depression. It's interesting that my personality is getting mistaken for depression. 

I have taught classes for years about the stigma of mental illness. I thought I had it pegged. But this was a new form of stigma for me. A stigma that came from a place of love, and not a place of hate. Now that I have identified it, I have started to put into place a plan to overcome it. I have discovered that you have to be your own advocate. You need to be wiling to say "Thank you for your concern, it shows me how much you care, but at the moment I'm doing good. Laying in bed a little bit longer on Saturday afternoon is just something I enjoy." You need to give people permission to not worry about you all the time. Trust me, you will feel so much better once you have taken control of the situation and taught those around you how to separate you from your illness.

Here are some awesome tips from the Mayo Clinic on how to deal with stigma...

1. Get treatment. You may be reluctant to admit you need treatment. Don't let the fear of being labeled with a mental illness prevent you from seeking help. Treatment can provide relief by identifying what's wrong and reducing symptoms that interfere with your work and personal life.

2. Don't let stigma create self-doubt and shame. Stigma doesn't just come from others. You may mistakenly believe that your condition is a sign of personal weakness or that you should be able to control it without help. Seeking psychological counseling, educating yourself about your condition and connecting with others with mental illness can help you gain self-esteem and overcome destructive self-judgment.

3. Don't isolate yourself. If you have a mental illness, you may be reluctant to tell anyone about it. Your family, friends, clergy or members of your community can offer you support if they know about your mental illness. Reach out to people you trust for the compassion, support and understanding you need.

4. Don't equate yourself with your illness. You are not an illness. So instead of saying "I'm bipolar," say "I have bipolar disorder." Instead of calling yourself "a schizophrenic," say "I have schizophrenia."

5. Join a support group. Some local and national groups, such as the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), offer local programs and Internet resources that help reduce stigma by educating people with mental illness, their families and the general public. Some state and federal agencies and programs, such as those that focus on vocational rehabilitation or the Department of Veterans Affairs (VA), offer support for people with mental health conditions.

6. Speak out against stigma. Consider expressing your opinions at events, in letters to the editor or on the Internet. It can help instill courage in others facing similar challenges and educate the public about mental illness.

And remember, others judgments almost always stem from a lack of understanding rather than information based on the facts. Learning to accept your condition and recognize what you need to do to treat it, seeking support, and helping educate others can make a big difference.

I would love to hear what you have done to overcome stigma in your life. You can comment below or email us at thelongandwindingroadtohappy@gmail.com

Swimming Suit Season

Hello lovely people! I am going to finally make my first post. When my amazing friend Lindsay talked about us starting this blog I became immediately excited and cannot wait to share this with her and anyone else that decides to check it out.

So this last week I came to a place in my life that I didn't know would be possible. As a teenager I had the body I've always considered my "ideal body". I felt very confident in my appearance but I've come to realize years later that my body is what I based most of my self worth on from the time I emerged from puberty until recently. I know that appearance does play a major part in many people's self worth, but I had it bad.

When I had my daughter at nineteen my thin body went away. I gained fifty pounds with the pregnancy. My marriage was failing and I was sure that it was my fault because my body had changed. I had stretch marks on my stomach that looked like a road map and the "mom boobs". After my divorce I felt completely worthless and believed I had nothing to offer because I was no longer beautiful.

I threw away my swimsuit three years ago. I just haven't owned one. I've avoided all situations that require them. I hated my body so much that I couldn't bear seeing myself in a bathing suit and was too humiliated for another person to see me, and I stopped enjoying life. My daughter who will be seven this summer has not had much experience in pools because she doesn't know how to swim and I sure as Hell wasn't getting in there to help her, lest I blind someone with my oh so monstrous form.

One year ago I finally worked through the pain and hurt I had been carrying around with me since my divorce. I let go of that little teenage girl I had wanted so badly to look like again. I made an effort to love myself. I decided that my daughter will not feel the way that I have felt about my body if I can help it. I need to show my daughter how to love herself, so I have faked it. I stopped being embarrassed when she would come around me changing clothes. I used to be so scared that those would be images that might stick with her the rest of her life (how embarrassing!). I changed. I always made sure she knew that I loved my body and I am beautiful even if I didn't know it.

Finally this year I decided I want to have fun. I want to enjoy myself again! So I did the dreaded thing and got a bathing suit. I avoided the dressing rooms with all the mirrors and hundreds of suits for me to try on and the chance to analyze every imperfection I found. I took a chance and did something I hardly ever do and ordered it online. I spent a week waiting for it to come and felt excited but nervous. The day came and it was on my doorstep. I grabbed it and tried it on right away, expecting to be disappointed. Oh well I'm more worried about having fun, right?


I pulled it on and stepped in front of the mirror. I was amazed to see that I wasn't only not disappointed, but I was happy. I was so happy to see myself. I was wearing a swimsuit and I looked SO happy! I felt good in it. I didn't just feel the I-don't-care-what-other-people-think-of-me-cause-I'm-comfortable happy but I felt like I looked good. My daughter was there and when she saw me smiling, she said "Mommy, you're beautiful". I'm not sure whether it would have been as easy for her to see that had I been frowning and taking note of everything that looked bad. The amazing thing is that I was actually fifteen pounds lighter when I swore off swimsuits three years ago.


So this year I am going to have fun, I am going to get in the pool, I am going to the water park! Because I won't let anymore misconceptions of beauty stop me from having fun with my daughter, and her having experiences children deserve to have with their parents.

Are you living a life based on love or a life based on fear?

“Love is what we were born with. Fear is what we learned here.” ~Marianne Williamson

Ok, I had a big "Ah Ha" moment this morning after watching this clip on Youtube. I have been making life decisions based on fear, and I didn't even know it! I took some time to reflect on my life and the things that I have/have not done because I was afraid. Afraid of the outcome, afraid of the impact it will make on my future, afraid that I would fail, afraid that I would succeed.... My life has been driven by my fears. I have let my fear control me, feeling sure I know what bad things are going to happen and feeling determined to prevent them. But how happy can I really be, living my life like that? How much happier will I be when I let the fear go and replace it with love? Will I find talents undiscovered and a life that is more fulfilled? I believe that I will. So let's let the fear go! Whatever happened in the past is over, and what happens in the future is solely dependent on your willingness to be open to love. You shape your future, and it can be created from love or fear, but not both. Which do you choose today?

Game plan for conquering my depression

Sooner or later, everyone gets the blues. Feeling sadness, loneliness, or grief when you go through a difficult life experience, it is part of being human. And most of the time, you can continue to function. You know that in time you will bounce back, and you do. But what if you don’t bounce back? What if your feelings of sadness linger, are excessive, or interfere with your work, sleep, or recreation? What if you’re feeling fatigue or worthlessness, or experiencing weight changes along with your sadness? Well my friends that is depression, something I'm very familiar with because I have it. I'm not ashamed of it nor do I keep it a secret, it's just something I have to deal with. Over the years I have learned how to recognize and cope with my depression, but lately it has been out of control.  My latest bout of depression was triggered by leaving my friends and family in Utah and moving to California. I have also had a lot of life changes this year including the death of my dad, who was my everything. So there are the reasons I have been so depressed but what do I do about it? Well after laying in bed crying I have decided I'm not going to let this beat me. If there is anything I have learned in my life it's that I can do difficult things, including conquering my depression. Here is my game plan:

1. Get ready every morning, even if you don't have nowhere to go.

I did it this morning and it really does work! This is based on the Look Good, Feel Good theory. 
It’s as simple as that: When you look good, you feel good, and when you feel good, you’re going to be more productive, energetic, and of course, more confident in everything you do. Self-confidence is an essential attitude if you want to move forward and conquer depression. Plus you have no excuses when plans do come up cause you are ready to go. So get up, get ready and face the day.

2. Treat yo self

I love Parks and Recreation and I love this concept! You are amazing and wonderful and deserve to Treat Yo Self! It doesn't have to be something big, but try to do it every day. It can be as simple as taking a bath or watching your favorite show. This morning I treated my self with a hot mug of Pero and an episode of The Office, and it felt great!

3. Exercise

So this is the hardest one for me to do when I'm depressed, but it is so important!  Exercise helps beat depression that’s not just a theory, but scientific fact. But that doesn’t mean the benefits of exercise for beating or preventing depression require you to sign up for the next Ironman competition. After all, mustering up the energy to even get out of bed during our worst moments can be a real struggle. I know my self well enough to know that I'm not going to stick with running, its boring and I just don't like it. So I signed up for U-Jam classes. There are a lot of different options out there, you just have to find what works for you.

4. Eat Better = Feel Better

When you feel like crap you eat like crap and then feel even worse..... and it turns into a never ending cycle. It's time to break that cycle! I'm kicking junk food to the curb!

5. Look for the beauty all around you

When I'm depressed I only focus on the negative things in my live. When you're in a downward spiral it's so difficult to notice all the great things around you. To help me switch my focus I started a gratitude journal. I know it sounds really corny, but it works! Today I have been way more focused on the positive things because I'm taking the time to write them down.

6. Help Others

I am the happiest when I'm helping others. I don't know why, but it just makes me happy. So I'm going to look for more ways to help and serve those around me.

7. Fake it, till you make it

This one is a little controversial, cause we are always told not to be fake. Well I'm not talking about BEING fake, I'm talking about doing the things that you would normally do when you are happy and loving life! I'm talking about smiling at someone, when smiling is the last thing in the world that you want to do. To accomplish this I repeat mantras to myself like "I am a happy person" "People are drawn to my positive energy"...I know it sounds cheesy...and you will feel stupid but it works! I did it this morning and throughout my day and I really do feel happier.

So That's my game plan. Just writing down these goals have given me hope. For the first time in weeks I'm feeling determined :)

I would love to hear what everyone else does to get happy! Please comment below.

Happy Friday! Ready for a good laugh?

We have all had our share of beauty blunders, but I think this girl takes the cake......

WARNING: The mental picture you get from reading this woman's story is absolutely hilarious.

My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, and play with the kids. Then I had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: "Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet."

So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of those 'cold wax' kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg, (or wherever else), and you pull the hair right off. No muss, no fuss. How hard could it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (Ya think????)

So I pull one of the thin strips out. It's two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in and I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull.

It works!

OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.

With my next wax strip, I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my hoo-ha and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek, (it *was* a long strip). I inhale deeply and brace myself . . . RRRRIIIPPP!!!!

I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!! . . . . OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!!!

Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the
strip. CRAP! Another deep breath and RRRIPP! Everything is spinning and spotted. I think I may pass out . . . must stay conscious . . . must stay conscious. Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe . . . breathe . . . OK, back to normal.

I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph ver body hair. I hold up the strip. There's no hair on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???

Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip . . . it's not! I touch. I am touching wax. I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG mistake . . . remember my foot is still propped upon the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down.

Sealed shut! My butt is sealed shut. Sealed shut!!! I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself, 'Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off!' What can I do to melt the wax?

Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right??? *WRONG!!!!!!!*

I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture
prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit. Now, the only
thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub . . . in scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.

So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cemented myself to the porcelain!! God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!

I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter, "So, my butt and hoo-ha are glued together to the bottom of the bathtub!"

There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal, but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, "Are we talking cheeks or hole or hoo-ha?"

She's laughing out loud by now . . . I can hear her.. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box. YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night.

While we go through various solutions. I resort to trying to scrape the wax off with a razor. Nothing feels better than to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!!

By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.

My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace . . .
the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!! The scream probably woke the kids and scared the d*ckens out of my friend. It's sooo painful, but I really don't care. IT WORKS!! It works!!

I get a hearty congratulations from my friend and she hangs up. I
successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair . . . .THE HAIR IS STILL THERE . . . . ALL OF IT!

So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point.

Next week I think I'll try coloring my hair!!!!!


Hopefully that put a smile on your face that will carry you threw the weekend :)

Hello Blog world! Welcome to our new blog The Long and Winding Road to Happiness! My name is Lindsay and I will be co-blogging with my best friend Missee. I have known/loved and admired Missee for 17 years now, and boy have we both been through a lot in those 17 years! Between the two of us we have Depression, Anxiety, Bipolar and ADD. Its been a long road coping with these illnesses, but a lot of good has come from them as well. We have been able to reach out and help others who are struggling with similar problems. For a handful of years we have both volunteered for NAMI (The National Alliance on Mental Illness) teaching teens how to cope with their illness.

The thing I have learned from my life so far is that happiness does not come natural to me, I have to choose it. Its not easy, but its possible for me to be happy. I just have to choose happiness and continue to focus on it. It's a work in progress... Slowly getting better. I thought this blog would be a fun way to show others (and remind ourselves) of all the wonderful happy things around us! And hopefully it will help others out there who are struggling. What might you see on our blog??? Tips on coping with mental illness, tips on how to be happy and also things that make us happy (fashion, our favorite things, books, food, movies, ect.)

Side note: The name for the blog was created when I wanted to mash up with something I love with how I feel about dealing with my depression and anxiety. Seeing how Missee and I LOVE the Beatles, The Long and Winding Road to Happiness just seemed too perfect :)!!! Don't you love when things just come together?!